When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
