Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
