coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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