2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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