i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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