Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
