Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
