I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
