Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
