my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
