she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize