yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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