if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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