i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
