I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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