I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
