i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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