just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
