I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
