we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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