They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
