so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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