he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
