I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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