...so i touched it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize