ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
