i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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