what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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