THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
