Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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