If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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