Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
