For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
