i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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