I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
