Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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