I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
