ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize