are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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