the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
