Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
