I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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