he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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