just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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