True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
