He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
