there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize