She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
