I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
