meet me or not, i'm out of control
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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