we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize