According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
