Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
