I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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