the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
