Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
