it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
