There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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