She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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