i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize