He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
