i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
