Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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