Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
