Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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