i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize