Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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