Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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