I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
