since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
